Naruto and The Three Hyuugas
by DavidBowieSenseiIsMyDad
Summary: So I have forced Naruto to act as a girl in a play. Goldilocks and the Three Bears- Naruto Style! Rated T for language. I'm sorry, I had to. Did you really think he was going to comply without swearing? Guest appearance by your favorite (slightly perverted) writer, Shigure Sohma!


Alright, so this is my first Naruto story, and I worked SO FRICKEN HARD ON THIS.

Arthur: Then you lost the first page.

Me: Yes. Precisely, my dear Watson.

Arthur: Stop using Sherlock Holmes references against me! You know I hate that!

Anyways, here is the adapted version of the classic tale, Goldilocks and the 3 bears! Enjoy!

Arthur: Besides, how come you get to be Sherlock?!

Can it, Kirkland.

Cast

Me: Narrator

Naruto: Goldilocks

Shino: Papa Bear

Hinata: Mama Bear

Neji: Baby Bear

AND THE STORY OF NARUTO AND THE 3 HYUUGAS BEGINS!

Arthur: But there are only 2 Hyuugas, where did the third one go?

Shut up, Watson.

Arthur: Stop it! Besides, shut don't go up.

I do not own Naruto. The day I do the cow will jump over the moon while the Happy Cow song is playing in the background. I do, however, own Arthur...

Arthur: What the bloody hell was that supposed to mean?!

*grins* You'll find out... *is shot for stalling* Ah, fine, I'll get to the story...

And the story begins!

One day, In the woods of Konoha, a little girl was happily skipping through the forest-

"Okay, first of all, I am a boy, okay! Sure, a boy in orange Lolita and sparkly orange ballet flats wearing a blonde braided wig, but still a boy! Second of all, why am I doing this?! I look NOTHING like a girl."

Deidara smirked, watching from a tree. "Better you than me, kid."

Well, I asked Deidara and Edward Elric, but they're not really on board with the whole "Dude looks like a lady" thing. And that was after I drugged Tobi and dumped him in the Fruits Basket world.

Meanwhile…

"Tobi's head hurts… Where am I?"

Shigure licked his mask while in dog form. "Why does it taste like an orange lollipop?"

Tobi glomped him. "Ooooooh, doggy! Imma name you Spot!"

"Not this again..."

Back to Konoha…

Naruto, I will give you ramen if you do this, kay?

"Fine. But I don't like this."

No one gives a crap what you think, now start prancing.

Naruto started skipping. "Third of all, this makes me look gay."

And most of your fangirls already think you are, so it really makes no difference whatsoever.

"I HAVE FANGIRLS?!"

Yeah, apparently SasuNaru is a big hit among the female otaku population of this world. And the occasional queer.

"...What's that?"

Soon the little girl reached a cottage-

Deidara decided to blow his cover. "Who uses that word nowadays?"

Who uses the word nowadays?

Deidara retreated back into the trees. "Touché."

The little girl walked into the cottage and gasped in awe.

"HOLY BOWIE-SENSEI, IT MATCHES MY NINJA OUTFIT."

HOLY BOWIE-SENSEI, IT MATCHES YOUR LOLITA DRESS.

"What the hell. Dattebayo."

I'm not even going to ask how you know about Naruto The Abridged Series.

*coughs* Moving on. There were 3 chairs, one small, one medium, and one large, 3 beds of three different sizes, and 3 bowls of-

"RAMEN!"

Porridge.

"RAMEN!"

PORRIDGE.

"RAMEN!"

PORRIDGE!

"RAMEN!"

Will you shut up if I make it ramen?

"Ichiraku?"

FINE.

"YEAH RAMEN!"

Shut up, Naruto. Now, back to the story… with 3 steaming bowls of… *growls* RAMEN, three chairs, and three beds. All the same color as Naruto's dress. All in only 3 sizes: Large, Medium, and Small.

"I'm remembering this from somewhere….. Just can't remember where it's from."

Does it look like we care? We already know where it's from.

"Can we get back to the play? I wanna eat my ramen."

The girl first tried out all the chairs. The first one was a large bamboo chair.

"Why am I trying out chairs? I want ramen. And this chair is too hard."

The second one was a plush chair with waaaaaay too many orange cushions-

"HELP ME I'M SINKING OH THE HORROR!

Drama queen. Anyways….. She tried out the small throne, and it fit perfectly.

Naruto sat down. "Finally. I want ramen."

She carried it over to the table and began sampling the bowls of….. ramen.

"YES FINALLY I CAN EAT MY BELOVED RAMEN! ICHIRAKU RAMEN FTW!"

The first one was a big bowl of ramen. She tasted it and cried out-

"TOO HOT! I BURNED MY TONGUE! OWWWW!"

The second one was a medium-sized bowl of ramen. She tasted it and exclaimed-

"This one is cold. STONE-COLD. WHO IN THEIR F**KING RIGHT MIND MAKES COLD RAMEN?!"

No one will ever know. Because none of us are in our right minds or will ever be. Except for Sasuke, cuz emos don't have minds.

"I AM NOT EMO, GODDAMMIT."

DE-NI-AAAAAAAL.

"Can we go on? You're insulting the ramen."

Okay then. She tried the smallest bowl, and it was perfect, just the right taste and temperature.

"Now that's what I call good ramen! Yum!"

Finally, she came to the beds. She tried the first one. It was a straw mat.

"It's scratchy. Who can sleep like this? I sure can't."

She went to the next bed and tried it out.

"Help me! I'm sinking! Again! HEEEEEEEELP!"

Konohamaru walked out from the closet he was spying from. "Just leave him in there for a while."

Sounds like an awesome idea.

Naruto cried out in fear. "NOOOOO, KONOHAMARU! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!"

"Like a boss. Cuz I'm a boss."

Now you're thinking in my style. *high-fives Konohamaru*

5 MINUTES LATER….

Out you go. *dumps Naruto on the ground*

"Owwww…. Konohamaru, you traitor."

Finally, she came to the smallest bed. She climbed in and fell asleep.

"…zzzzzzzzzzz…" *is out cold*

Nothing like sedatives to keep a guy out.

Yep. He's out cold.

Review and you get a special ninja cookie! You can pick a Naru-Toll House, a Sasuke Snickerdoodle, a Sakura Schnecken, a Bowie-Sensei Biscotti, or an Itachi Ice-Box Cookie.

Arthur: What the hell is a Schnecken?

Review!


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